is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
