Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
