That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
