It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just pee around me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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