I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
