I will die if light touches me.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
