i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
