dude i'm inner monologue high
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
