i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
