Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm always down for nudity.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
