She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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