I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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