bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
