Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
