I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
