Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
