I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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