I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
