Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
