I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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