And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
