he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
