every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
