the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
