hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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