My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
