I smell stomach acid.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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