Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
