I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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