youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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