did you get engaged???
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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