Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
