I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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