i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
