I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
