Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
