God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
