Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
