Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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