What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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