I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
