he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
