i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
a search helicopter?!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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