Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
