good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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