youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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