New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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