i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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