When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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