nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
