this beer tastes like vomit already
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
