Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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