i already hear my dad disowning me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
