we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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