Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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