I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
