i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
