Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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